that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
