you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
