i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
