We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
