Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
