she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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