the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just shotgunned beers for America
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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