I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
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