My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
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She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
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For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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