After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
