he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
