i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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