The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
