i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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