I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
