he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
