don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
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I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
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Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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