I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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