And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
