i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
