dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
