Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
