you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
