well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize