Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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