I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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