found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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