Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
