he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
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He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
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I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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