I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
