well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He uses pillows to masturbate.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
