Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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