We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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