I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
