That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize