What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
