I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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