Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
