Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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