so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
