I have demons in me.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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