i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
