He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
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It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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