So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
