Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
This house was built for laser tag.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
