You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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