dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
