If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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