it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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