No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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