You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
