your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Randomize
