youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
