I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
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im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
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Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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