She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
