I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
