Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
