Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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