so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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