I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
