I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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