Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
