i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
