i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
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I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I need a burrito and a hug.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
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you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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