I love black thongs
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
