I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
