Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
