the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
