Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
