R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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