Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
