I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
