Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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