I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
