I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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