this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
