Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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