I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Randomize
