My hair reeks of homosexuality.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
