Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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