i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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