I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just threw up on my dentist
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Why are your pants in the freezer?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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